hair again

I'm not writing this entry to fish for compliments, merely sharing some updated thoughts on cutting my hair.

Hair, especially long hair, is a strange thing. For me, it provided a sense of comfort and pride- I had the patience to take care of it, to let it keep growing even in the summer when it trapped heat. On days when I felt completely unattractive, I used my hair as something of a security blanket and used it to mask whatever insecurities I was actually feeling. On top of all of this, it had been with me for so long- through two lengthy relationships, four years of college, incredibly wonderful times, dark days, and everything in between. There were years of memories, some I wanted to hold on to, others I would gladly block, all bound up in my hair.

More practically, in the winter, it served as a scarf to warm my neck; in summer, sun protection for my head. There were people who knew me by my hair before we ever spoke.

That said, finally finding the balls to make an appointment to chop it off and actually following through was a major, terrifying decision.

Now, after it's been gone for nearly a month, I'm still having mixed feelings. Some mornings, all I want to do is hop out of bed, pull my hair back and be done with it, but that's not an option. For one thing, it sticks up at all angles, but not in the cute, funky way. I know that a lot of people pay good money for that look, but it's just not for me.

Further, I feel that having my hair cut short takes away from my looking feminine without effort. Before, I was able to throw on my men's flannel shirt, baggy jeans, and boots and just walk out the door still looking distinctly female. I feel like this has changed, as I've already been confused for a male student or as a random male in a store a couple of times. Comments on my resemblance to Justin Bieber were fine the first few times, especially since I dressed as him for Halloween, but now it's just frustrating and annoying. My facial features haven't changed. I still have breasts. I try to keep my flannel and Doc Martens combo to a minimum. So why am I mistaken for high school-age boys on a fairly regular basis? I could go off into all sorts of gender and sexuality issues, but for the sake of this entry, I'll spare you.

What this all comes down to is my own perception of myself now. Do I feel different? To be honest, yes. Yes I do. Some days, I legitimately miss my hair. Do I regret cutting it? No. This has been and continues to be a learning experience. I now know at that I can rock short hair and that cutting it isn't entirely a bad thing. In some way, it's helped me become more comfortable with myself while simultaneously making me more self-aware. I've found myself dressing "better" (meaning, not in a sweatshirt every day), mostly to try to avoid being mistaken for a boy.

I haven't yet decided whether or not to grow it back again. However, I do want to wait until I'm entirely comfortable with my appearance as it is now so that I don't just grow it back to hide anything.

a paca what?

For "Explore Week", I worked in the inkle weaving class on Thursday and Friday. We took a field trip to a local alpaca farm, which was supercool. They animals were actually paca-cunas, which are a mix between an alpaca and a vicuna (native to Peru and Chile). Very very cute. See for yourself!

they like carrots

baby and mama- the little one was about 20 minutes old

The weaving class did some really good work and it was nice to see them learning something new that they probably would have otherwise been exposed to. Here are some samples:

I can feel the wind on my scalp. What?

For those of you who missed it on Facebook, I have joined the ranks of the short-haired. On Thursday, I went to Boulder and got most of my hair chopped off (donating 14 inches).

This all started as something of a "dare" last Saturday. In preparation for going out, I wasn't sure of what to wear. A couple Fellows said half-joking, "just cut it off". After talking about it, I decided to just go for it. I'm pretty happy with the new cut so far, but I definitely haven't adjusted to how it feels yet. Still playing around with how to style it, but a trip to a store other than Safeway (local grocery store) for styling things should fix that. Some pictures:

the morning of the cut

outside of the salon in Boulder

the final snips

yeah, that's my ponytail in someone else's hands (who, by the way, did a great job)

the next day

People's reactions to the change have been widely varied. For the most part, students and staff at the school have been pretty complimentary, which is nice, but there have been a few people, both at the school and on Facebook, who were really snarky about it. Mostly just, "why would you ever cut off your hair?!" but some have been more negative.

All I can really think about is that it's my decision what I choose to do to my body, especially to something that will grow back. I haven't really decided if I want to keep my hair short, but it looks like those with a negative opinion will just have to deal with it.

I really appreciate all of the positive compliments that people have offered. I know that it seems a little silly, but the support of such a big change to my appearance is greatly appreciated.

Week Six already?!

Foreword: It is apparent by now that I am a terrible blogger. Entries tend to be few and far between. That said: I will try for at least 4 entries per month. This is a goal, so hold me accountable.

Now for recent events.

We've just finished up the first five weeks of this trimester at ERS. It's pretty hard to believe that I've been here almost 2 months and am just now really starting to get into the groove of class, time with students, duty, off days, and general life here. Maybe one of the best moments was the "run in" of the new students coming back from their 25-day Wilderness trip. Only one student ended up going home while on the trip, which is pretty impressive. The rest of the new students arrived Wednesday afternoon to the open arms of friends, family, and the ERS community. It was really cool to see how they were welcomed back and to hear some of the many stories of their adventure. I get to work with one new student (who is also from Georgia and who is super-cool) for the first trimester, which is exciting. Definitely hoping that all of the newbies end up staying at ERS- the journey is just beginning.

Living with the other Fellows is still an adventure. On Tuesday, we had our first birthday celebration since being here. The thing about Estes Park is that it's pretty small and night life is limited, thus our trip to Chipper's Lanes, the local bowling alley. This isn't one of those fancy bowling alleys with strobe lights and 20 lanes. No. Think 8 lanes and a juke box. Make no mistake, it's super fun and they have great deals on games, shoes, and drinks, it's just pretty low-key. That said, we had almost all of the Fellows plus a couple other folks there- it was a fantastic night. I even bowled a 69, which may be my highest score ever. This may have to be a weekly occurrence.

In other news, it's already started snowing here. Granted, none of it has really stuck around, but there's definitely more on the way. I know that the concept of blogging about weather is pretty lame, but it amazes me every time I drive down the road from ERS into town that there is slowly more and more snow on Long's Peak/the Continental Divide. I'm slowly starting to adjust to the cold (having a real coat, wool socks, and boots helps), which is definitely a good thing. In no way do I want to be the girl from the South who complains about the cold all winter... I'm forcing myself to adjust and deal with it.

So, to sum it all up, being here still rocks.

the Fellows cover/rewrite Snoop Dogg's "Gangsta Love"

The title pretty much says it all. We all had a blast practicing and performing this for Tuesday's morning gathering. My personal favorite part is Andrew dancing near the end.

A little background: a few weeks ago, at a jam session outside of Willow, a couple of the guys sang and acoustic version of "Gansta Love," which in and of itself is hilarious. We decided later to rewrite the words about all of the Fellows as sort of an introduction for the students.

Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/eaglerockschool#p/u/8/Ww9ISmuVO4g

a short bus full of high schoolers and the ensuing adventures

First off, sorry for neglecting the blog. It's been a pretty hectic/exciting couple weeks. Expect more entries soon!

Now for house retreat adventure stories!

It all started on a glorious Monday afternoon. Veteran ERS students had returned the previous afternoon, and the houses were gearing up for house retreats (all the students and staff in the house take bonding time before the trimester really kicks in). Spruce House (the one I'm in) staff decided that camping and going to Hot Sulfur Springs the next day. The students weren't super excited about camping, especially now that it gets pretty cool at night, especially at high elevation, but they were stoked that we got to car (well, bus) camp for the night, which requires way less work than their 25 day Wilderness trip that all new students take. The prospect of getting to complete relax and soak in the hot springs the next day was also good incentive not to whine the night before.

In order to get to the camp site, the location required us to drive Trail Ridge Road thru the RMNP... in the short bus. Since I tend to be pretty, uh, vomitous on mountain roads, I volunteered to drive, having only practiced in this massive vehicle for about 20 minutes several weeks ago. It did go well, though, and it's more like a huge, hard to see out of truck. There was road construction, so we sat for a long time... a really, really long time. BUT! At the end of the park road, we saw a moose! A huge bull moose grazing next to a creek. It might be the most majestic sight I've ever seen, and the students were thoroughly impressed.

To top off the drive and the wildlife sighting, our campsite was beautiful- beside a river, just before sunset. One of the students taught me to skip rocks, which was pretty rockin'. There was plenty of food, and getting to know the students was fun. They're all chill, which is good, and it seems like there's minimal house drama, which will make a huge difference. We stayed around the fire for a while, and decided it would be an excellent idea to roast our sleeping bags and pajamas before changing and sprinting to our sleeping spots. It was cold (think freezing), and the next morning, everyone woke up frosty. Hats, sleeping bags, sleeping pads, our water bottles. Fortunately another staff member already had water heating for coffee and hot chocolate, so warming up was a little easier. We cooked a huge breakfast and then packed up to head to the hot springs.

In short, hot springs = awesome. We all smelled like rotten eggs at the end of our soaking, but it was so worth it. I'm planning to go back at least once before it snows and the road through the park closes.

The funny part about all of this is that it's my job. Like, this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing here. And it's awesome.

can I launch that? and other week two adventures

Yet another week goes by with me neglecting to update.

This week at ERS has been a lot of planning for the start of classes and getting to know the IS (instructional specialist- read "teacher") that we're working with for the year. Slowly, I'm starting to realize just how much work this year is going to require. I mean, obviously since this is a "real job," being able to teach or co-teach lessons is going to take planning, but working and living in the same place could help or hinder. Once students get here, there's going to be way more demand on me, and I have a sneaking suspicion that my sacred down time- at least some of it- will be consumed with other activities. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely looking forward to hanging out with the students/staff at ERS, but at the same time, I'll have to balance work, hanging out, and personal time. I've already been warned more than once to disappear on my days off. We'll see just how hard it is to sneak away when the time comes, though. For now, highlights of the week:

Getting to work with the rest of the full-time ERS staff has been great! It's sort of strange to go from student to teacher in a matter of months, but working in this environment makes it easier, I think. I'm still a student in the sense that I'm here to learn how to teach, so at least I get to do both at once and am not just being thrown unprepared into a classroom.

Bob-chi (morning exercise with Robert, the Head of School) was lots of fun yesterday. The students do it every Wednesday morning, but yesterday was some sort of photoshoot that we'll see later in the trimester. The Fellows and some staff dressed in silly work-out clothes (think 80's style).

Also, I decided yesterday to play flute again, so I'll be in the ERS orchestra. I'd forgotten how much I like playing with a group and not because I have to do it.

Today, some of the guys and I ventured out to the Longs Peak Scottish Irish Highland Festival in Estes. It's either the biggest of one of the biggest Scottish/Irish festivals in the US. I saw LOTS of kilts. My favorites, though, are the "utilikilts" (look them up if you aren't sure what they are). There were men throwing weights over bars and across fields, jousting, and cannon shooting. To top off the day, though, I was standing in a crowd (granted, not a large one) and the man operating the trebuchet pointed to me an motioned. He picked me to launch it, which pretty much made my week. After almost deciding not to go, that made the whole day worth it, as lame as that might seem.

And now for "would you rather"...

one week already?

Woah. It's so hard to believe that I've already been here for a week.

Most of the time has been spent in Core Training with the rest of the Fellows and a few staff members. We've been learning the in's and out's of the school- curriculum, terminology, the layout of campus, how to relate to the students... all kinds of important things. I guess the best way to describe it is the "firehose method" where they throw a ton of information at us but, basically, we just have to experience it to really understand. There is still another week until veteran students arrive, so we have staff training starting Monday morning. We (the Fellows) will be working with our IS (Instructional Specialist) on lesson plans and our role in the classroom. Very exciting!

Other than having insane amounts of information thrown at us (which was definitely better than it sounds, by the way), I've been hanging out in Willow House with the rest of the Fellows. It's a really great group of people and I'm so glad that I get to share this experience with them. To give you and idea of the house, I'll try to give a description until I actually get around to taking some pictures.

We live on the top of the hill in the residential section of campus- definitely the best view. The ceilings are super tall and the whole east wall is windows, so it's breathtaking in the morning (and pretty much all the time). We're in the Rockies, so the sun rises over the mountains in the morning. Downstairs, we have a sitting area/tables and chairs and the kitchen, which all 12 of us share. It's not big, but we definitely make it work. There are bedrooms down the hall. Upstairs, we have a loft with futons and a random "ab lounge" and the rest of the bedrooms. Most of us share a room with a bunk bed, desk, shelves, clothes racks and cubbies. It's pretty small, but we don't spend much time in the room.

Other than house layout and week overview, I should note that it's already fall here. Every day except for today, I've worn pants and a sweater during the day and definitely need a jacket at night. It was 44 degrees when I got back from Boulder last night and was probably in the 30's before the night was over. It's still warm during the day, especially today- warm enough for shorts and a tank top, but this might be one of the last hot days for a while. It looks like a front might be moving through. In general, it's pretty cloudless here- I was told that there are over 300 sunny days a year in Colorado, so we'll see.

More random things:

Today, I learned how to drive the short bus for taking students on trips into town or to other places that are further away, so I feel pretty accomplished.

Wednesday, I went rock climbing for the first time at Shaman (an on campus site), and it was incredible- definitely looking forward to doing it again.

There have been jam sessions a couple of nights, which are a really great way to end up a day. Also, different folks have been cooking every night- SO stoked that we have great cooks living with us. The actual dining hall food is a mystery thus far, but it should be good.

Sorry for rambling. I promise to make my thoughts more organized in future posts, but this is pretty much my thought pattern right now. So much happened this week with so much left to process.

I'm here!

This blog will be for updates, adventures, and general life around the Eagle Rock School!

For those of you who don't know, ERS is an alternative high school located on one square mile outside of Estes Park Colorado. If you're interested in knowing more about it, check outeaglerockschool.org.

I am the Visual Arts fellow here, living with 11 other Fellows in Willow House (pictures to come). It'll be a busy, exciting year, but I'll try to keep this updated on a regular basis... I am already behind, as I've been here almost a week now.

To make up for lateness, check out some pictures from the Rocky Mountain National Park, which is about a 15 minute drive from here.